MOTHER OF THE YEAR

I consider myself to be a smart woman. Usually. I consider myself to be a user of common sense. Usually. I consider myself to be an above average mother. Usually.

Upon our return home from getting groceries this morning, Wonko set one of our two green plastic totes on the stove, in our much too tiny kitchen, then went back to the car to get the rest of the groceries. Weeb went to the bathroom and I popped out, for just a moment, to help get the rest of the stuff in the trunk of the car.

Back we go into the kitchen and Weeb and I are talking about stickers for her calendar and how she gets four today because she - but then Wonko was yelling. Something was on fire. Um... FIRE!

Wonko moves the green tote to the sink and yells a variety of four letter words. I see flames on the stove, notice our offspring is frozen in the hallway and I put the sticker box on the floor (I don't remember doing this) and grab the fire extinguisher.

Now, let me explain something about my reaction to fire. Have you ever seen a deer in headlights? Yeah, that's me and fire. Since a rather nasty apartment fire in my 20's (not my fault!), I have not coped well with fire. My husband, on the other hand, is something of an expert, having started and then put out an evil curry fire in our kitchen a couple of years ago, marking the moment on our linoleum kitchen floor with a ring in the same shape as our once loved curry pot.

I will say that I tease my husband about the curry fire (I was not in the house with our then infant, at the time, so I cannot comment too much on this actual event), but HE knows what to do in these cases, as opposed to my typical response of... well a deer in headlights. He grabbed a large pot lid and put it over the element now decorated in burning plastic.

And I will also say that either one of us could have been responsible for this fire today. Both of us put those totes on the stove and could have, at any time, bumped the dial, turning it on. Which is what happened today. The element came on, got hot (while Weeb was in the house alone), the green tote started to melt on the hot element and with our return to the kitchen, smoke alerted Wonko that there was a problem. He lifted the tote, there was flame and that's when the four letter words started.

With the fire out, Wonko starts putting the unharmed groceries away. Weeb and I go outside and I cry and hug her and we talk about fire and I think about what a horrible mother I am and how could I have possibly left her in that house alone and I'm so thankful that the timing was what it was and the flames didn't start while we were outside. A million what ifs now spring into my head and I'll keep it all short by saying I have sworn never to leave my child alone in the house again. Ever.

So we go out for Slurpees, as we are apt to do on a Saturday afternoon. Later, Slurpees in hand, we pull into our spot in the parking lot and my daughter, the same one I left alone in the house with the fire in the kitchen earlier today, informs me that her seat-belt wasn't on the entire way home.

What?

Seriously?

Do I really suck that much as a parent?

Apparently.

I KNOW I buckled my child into her booster seat, as I always do, and then tightened the belt, as I always do. Upon our return home, she went to undo the seat-belt and found it already undone. So I obviously did not do things as I always do, unless I always fail at seat-belt fastening.

I suppose I'll spend the rest of the day beating myself up for my demonstrations of failure to be an awesome parent today. I think maybe I'll just chalk it up to reminders regarding safety and lessons learned then thank my lucky stars that no offspring were hurt in my vast stupidity today.

RESCUE AT QUARTER TO TWO

Waking up at 1:45 in the morning to frightened cries of, “Mummy!” increases my heart rate and gets my adrenaline pumping like nothing else! There is no question of fight or flight, my baby is in trouble!

I’m pretty sure I can fly. I can’t imagine how else I get into her room so quickly after she calls for me. In fact, I’m fairly certain that I am in there before she finishes saying my name.

Usually. (But that’s another tale.)

“I had a bad dream,” my daughter explains with a sad little 4 year old face. I don’t even ask what it was about anymore. My task is simple, get her to the bathroom and get her back to sleep with as little fuss as possible. She is asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow, if she was completely awake at all.

Next comes the attempt to slow my racing heart and figure out what to do with all the adrenaline. Vacuuming? To loud. Maybe this is a good time to do all that dusting that I’ve been putting off for so long. Too loud. No, really. No? It was worth a shot. I’m still not dusting my house. I’m just going to go back to bed.

Then I decide to write this article in my head, and I toy with the idea of writing down the perfectly crafted words going through my mind. I know these words of blinding brilliance will change the world! Then I decide, because I’m in such a logical state at 2AM, that I will clearly remember all the brilliance swirling in my brain come a more respectable hour.

Does this sound brilliant? No, I know, it’s lost something in the several hours between thinking and writing.

The good news is it only took me about 45 minutes to fall back to sleep as opposed to my usual hour. As far as I’m concerned, I’m 15 minutes ahead of the game!

BLUE SLURPEES - THE DEBATE

Blue is a color, not a flavor, especially when it comes to Slurpees.

My friends La B, Amy and I have had a long debate (we're talking 5 years here) about the color blue. They argue that blue is a flavor. But they are wrong.

I keep thinking it must be a misguided American thing. Only Americans would ask for a Coke, even if they are not refering to a Coke product. All pop is not Coke. All tissues are not Kleenix either, regardless of how many confused souls out there confuse the issue.

Now I suppose after conceding, to a small degree, in a debate on Facebook, yesterday, blue COULD be considered a flavor based on the fact that some people believe it is a flavor. Just not with Slurpees.

And here is why; Slurpees have a flavor/brand name.

My name is Yasher, but if you thought my name was Ted and called me Ted, my name would still be Yasher. You would be wrong in calling me Ted, even though that is what you believed my name to be. My name isn't Ted. It's Yasher.

So if you called a Tropicana Blue Raspberry Rush Slurpee a BLUE Slupree, you would only be correct in color, not in flavor, as the flavor's name is Blue Raspberry Rush.

If 99 our of 100 people polled said that blue was a Slurpee flavor, that would just show how wrong 99 out of 100 people can be. They can believe that there are blue flavored Slurpees all they like, but believing does not make it so. Not in the case of Slurpee flavors.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slurpee - This link to Wikipedia's Slurpee entry will list the Brand names and current flavors of Slurpees, including serveral blue varieties. And by blue, I mean, of course, color, not flavor.

The debate continues on the broader scale of blue being considered a flavor just because people believe that it is. La B argues that in this case of opinion, blue as a flavor is relative since a blue colored Slurpee may TASTE blue to some, but I remind that it's still not blue FLAVORED. And I rather suspect that these blue flavor believers are wrong, opinion or not, but I have no basis for this arguement other than blue is not a flavor or a taste because it's just not and these people need to back off the psychedelics.

Orange, to the best of my vast knowledge, is the only color that is also a flavor. Plus it is a decent Slurpee flavor. And color. Though most certainly, Coke Slurpees are the best!

WEEB THE OSTRICH TAMER

Everybody has certainly heard, by now, the tales of Weeb and her ostriches.

We saw this little fellow while we were waiting for the Olympic Torch Relay to start in February 2010. I was certain it would be hit by a car and was dialing animal control when Weeb stepped in. In moments, Weeb had called to this young, feral ostrich and was bonding with it.

It always amazes me how ostriches respond to Weeb's 'whispering'. She really has a knack for it. As you can see from the photo, they like to have their heads scratched. I was worried that it would bite her fingers off, but the girl knows what she's doing and the bird followed her around for the rest of the night. Seriously, we couldn't get rid of it.

Ostrich Tamers are rare in these parts and I can tell you, we got some odd looks!

I'm not sure where my 4 year old daughter got this odd talent from. Nobody else in our family is especially good with animals, much less large, weird looking birds. I'm hoping it's something that can make her some money when she's older.

OLYMPIC WEATHER KARMA?

No snow on Cypress + Too much snow on Whistler = Postponed Olympic events galore!

Kinda makes you wonder if it's Karma for VANOC for maybe not being quite as forthcoming as they should have been with funds.

However, I would like to remind the whiners of the world (we know you other nations have as many whiners as we do in Canada) that Winter Olympics often have weather issues and rescheduling events is hardly a rare thing.

Yeah, it's a bit laughable. But it's still pretty normal.

WINTER OLYMPICS 2010

I’m not delighted with all of the decisions made in regards to Vancouver’s 2010 Winter Olympics. Vancouver voted for this, the rest of BC did not get that chance.

I feel that the Olympic celebrations are designed for the rich. Tickets to get into any of the events are absurdly expensive, though the politicians are lucky enough to get in free, thanks to the tax payers who can’t easily afford their own tickets. And I’ve heard about the huge bonuses that the big wigs behind the Olympics will be taking home after this is all said and done. It’s disgusting and put a very sour taste in my mouth, the kind of taste that the ‘little guy’ gets when we see the rich keep getting richer.

I am quite surprised how very little the Olympics has to do with children. Aside from the ridiculous ‘mascots’ (which I have yet to see beyond sales bins all over the city), I’ve yet to see anything being done to promote this historic event to the children who will still likely be paying for it into their old age.

I think some areas of the Lower Mainland of BC are doing a much better job at promoting this event than others. I am sad to say that in the city of the Olympic Oval, I was disappointed by the Torch Relay. The crowds were there and they were excited, but the celebration itself was seriously lacking.

The Torch Relay party at the O-Zone, on the other hand, was fantastic! It was a terrific example of Canadian nature. People waiting to get in were festive and acted like friends, though having only met moments ago. People (for the most part) were courteous and there was an abundance of please, thank you and excuse me. People were happy and clearly patriotic and it was a terrific free event that really made us little tax payers feel like we were meant to be part of this Olympic thing, too! And traffic wasn’t TOO bad.

It’s a good thing that I don’t need to get into Vancouver. Roads are closed – they don’t want drivers anywhere near the downtown core. Warnings of long waits for transit are frightening, though we have that awesome new Canada Line SkyTrain. I hope it will continue to be worth its price after the Olympics are done.

Have any businesses other than The Bay and Coke made money off the Olympics, so far? I have heard that due to road closures many businesses are losing money. Perhaps they just speak louder than the ones who are benefiting? I’d love to hear about the ‘little guys’ who are benefitting from this.

Did the Olympics create any jobs in BC? People came from far and wide to volunteer, working for free up to 6 full days!

And who was it who thought BC was a good place for WINTER Olympics? We, the Lower Mainland of BC, consistently brag about early Spring and everyone knows us for our rain. Granted, the weather is different in the mountains, but really, whoever thought Cypress was a good event stage needs a good boot to the head. No surprise that several events have been postponed or canceled. This morning, they advised that 8,000 general admission snowboarding tickets. The event is still taking place and the people holding the more expensive grandstand seats will still be able to attend the event, but will the ‘little guy’ be getting refund? I sure hope so. I wonder how much longer my daughter and her friends will be paying off THAT part of this Olympic bill?

But we aren’t the first to suffer with weather issues for the Winter Olympics. According to Wikipedia, the Tyrolean city of Innsbruk was the host in 1964 and despite being a traditional winter sports resort, warm weather caused a lack of snow during the Games and the Austrian army was called in to bring snow and ice to the sport venues. Also, Luge was first contested in these Olympics, although the sport received bad publicity when a competitor was killed in a pre-Olympic training run. Sound familiar? Condolences to Nodar Kumaritashvili's family after the horrific Luge accident that lead to his death on February 12th.

And big thumbs down to the protesters who decided to turn their protests into violence. You’ve just managed to ruin the message that the peaceful protesters were trying to convey. We are so lucky to live in a country where our voices are allowed to be heard and you idiots just managed to ensure that nobody wants to hear ANY protest now. Your voilence was not going to stop the Olympics. You’re not protestors, you’re terrorists and should be treated as such.

Beyond all the negativity and sourness that I feel towards the rich, the politicians and the violent protesters, I will say that I have made sure that my family enjoyed as much as we could of the 2010 Winter Olympics. We did see the Olympic Torch near our home and later that night we went to the party at the O-Zone, as I mentioned earlier. We watched the Opening Ceremonies on TV and really enjoyed it! It was an amazing show and aside from a horrid rendition of our National Anthem, O Canada, the show was top notch! It displayed a load of fantastic Canadian talent, was a great tribute to our First Nations people and was just completely awesome to see on TV!

Canada has won its first gold on Canadian soil. Here’s hoping for more! Hopefully the ‘little guy’ is benefitting from this event more than suffering from it and our children’s children won’t still be paying for it. There must be so many proud parents out there, watching their children compete. Keep making us proud, Canada, we’re rooting for you!

HEY, DAVID LETTERMAN!

Hey, David Letterman, the CANADIANS did not say that the death of Georgian luger Nodar Kumaritashvili during a training run Friday at the Whistler track was due to his making a mistake. That was said by some douche in the International Olympic Committee.

We Canadians (and I am pretty sure I speak for the majority of us, here) think that the comments regarding fault, so soon after Nodar's death were shameful!

There are always going to be people who are quick to blame someone else when an accident happens. I really do hope this accident wasn't the fault of those Canadians who built the luge track. I would hate to think that it was anything more than a fluke accident in an already dangerous sport. Though you have to wonder why there were huge metal poles for people to go flying into, in an accident, to begin with.

Let's not forget that Luge events aren't exactly safe to begin with. Anyone going at speeds of over 200/kph MUST assume some risk. Without a pole to crash into, one could easily break their neck if they came away from a luge sled.

So go easy on the Canadians, Dave. There are just as many @$$holes among us as their are among you Americans. I wish our @$$holes had just kept their mouths shut.

DAYCARE, KINDERGARTEN AND SAHM ENVY

I am a mother who works full time. I went through the hell that most new moms go through when Maternity Leave is over and the idea of handing our kid/s off to strangers for the work day becomes a reality. We don't want to do it. Not many of us have a choice, these days.

We put our daughter into daycare two weeks before her first birthday. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. She stayed at that daycare facility until we were told we had to leave because the facility broke rules and had too many children under the age of two years old. We went through hell a second time to find another daycare that we could trust and now we had a bad experience under our belts. Luckily, we found another facility that we liked and, after several months, unfortunately had another bad experience. Looking for our third daycare, I think I would have done ANYTHING to be a stay at home mom, but it still was not an option and luckily, we found a spot in an amazing Montessori Child Care Centre for our daughter.

Several weeks ago, we registered our daughter for Kindergarten. After some governmental drama, we learned that our school had Full Day Kindergarten, which we had hoped for. Our daughter has been in daycare since she was a year old and been in a preschool environment for two years. The idea of two and a half hours for Kindergarten seems absurd to me. It's a hassle for working parents and if the child is in care, it's just rushing them off to yet another place during the day. And I won't lie, I was ecstatic at the idea of no longer paying such high child care costs!

Our family will be in a position, come September, where I can work part time. I am about to present an offer to my current employer, reducing my hours so I can pick my daughter up from school once Kindergarten starts. I am overjoyed at this idea. It means getting up earlier in the mornings and being out of the house before my husband and daughter wake up. It means we still need to find an hour or two of care for her in the mornings, before school starts. But it means I will be there for her, at the end of the day and end up having more time with her than I do now.

I'm greedy, I want to take my child to school AND be there to pick her up. Beyond the benefits to both her and my husband (who currently takes her to preschool in the mornings) the very thought of having time to clean my house (and do other chores) when my kid is at school, instead of the sad attempt to rush it into our lives on the weekend or after work, makes me a step away from giddy!

We've thought about me becoming a stay at home mom (SAHM). We could probably pull it off. We would be much tighter with money, but the family would, theoretically, be happier if I had more time to take care of them and take care of our home. I wonder if I am disciplined enough to actually do it though.

Everything is so rushed now. After working full time and picking up my daughter, and making dinner and cleaning up after dinner and spending a bit of time with my daughter and getting her to bed, I am pooped! And I have a wonderful partner who helps! Chores often fall to the bottom of the 'to do' list. Groceries are gathered at weekends. Bathrooms, vacuuming, mending, all chores are left to the weekend, which makes weekends very fast paced, especially if you add in any classes and visits with Grandma, Grandpa and cousins. And I'm lazy - I like movies and video games and time to myself. It's hard to manage a busy week and even harder to manage a busy weekend. Prioritizing is something I've become very good at, though the dust in my dining room might beg to differ.

As I sit at the computer on a Sunday afternoon, the laundry is tumbling in the washer, dinner is in the oven, and I contemplate the coming busy week. Maybe if I were a SAHM, I'd have time to properly clean this house and maybe write the novel that would make us rich. More than likely, I'd end up watching soaps and the potato chips in the cupboard would disappear.

At the moment, working vs. becoming a stay at home mom is still up in the air. It will sort itself out. It usually does.

FRIDAY NIGHTS ARE ALL RIGHT FOR SLURPEES

I love Friday nights.

Friday night is Slurpee/Movie Night in our house. We get take out, get Slurpees and find a movie that we would like (or in some cases just wouldn't hate) to watch with a wiggly four year old. We snuggle up on the couch with a blanket and get down with our Friday night selves.

The bedtime rules are not quite as strict on Friday nights. It's the only night of the week that I leave the kitchen a mess. I don't have to prepare any lunches for the next day. The entire weekend is stretched out before us. The rush of time seems to slow down for just a little while.

Friday nights are glorious.

And they are even better with a Slurpee.

(Please note that Slurpees can be purchased by flavor or color, but flavor and color are not the same thing.)

(Please also note that the offspring in the above picture did not drink that entire Slurpee, nor do we buy them for her at this size.)

(Please note I meant the Slurpee size, not the child size.)

(Coke Slurpee and thirsty Weeb pictured to the left.)

CHEESE IN MY FACE

Hanging strands of string cheese in my face is not romantic, Hunny.

But you get points for sharing your glass of cold water with me while the newly filled Britta jug chills in the refrigerator.

I'm not sure why you are happiest when you make me crazy. It's amusing when you're happy though, so I shall deal with your attempt to make me further insane.

Oh and you can put the cheese string wrapper in the garbage. If it mysteriously ends up next to me on the couch again, I'm going to stuff it up your left nostril.

NEW DRIVERS

Why is it that people who drive around with the N (new) sticker on their car always seem to be driving a Lexus? Where do these young drivers, new to the road, get money to buy a Lexus? I could save my salary for a year, or more and not be able to afford a Lexus!

And why, at red lights, are these new drivers the ones who are always dashing into the right lane so they can overtake the rest of the traffic in the center lane upon the light change to green? It ticks me off when I'm in the center lane. It ticks me off when I'm in the right lane (because they either are in front of me and not turning when I want to turn right or they are behind me, riding my butt).

I'll bet the majority of incidents of Road Rage occur as a result of something that some Lexus driving 'N'ew driver has done. And I just don't see why it should be a crime when I go out of my way to hit them with my non-Lexus car.

TO BLOG OR NOT TO BLOG

Blogging.

I have a Certificate in Web Design and yet I have surrendered to the Blog. Well, the Certificate is sadly outdated and I am astoundingly lazy. So there it is. Or rather, here this is.

Yasher is my online name. And those who know me, know my real name.

Weeb is my daughter. And those who know me, know her real name.

Wonko is my husband. And those who know me, know his real name.

So sit back and prepare yourself for the awesomeness that is me and my rambling. Or don't. You know, whatever floats your boat. Awesome is all relative anyways.