PARKING TOO CLOSE TO A PREGNANT WOMAN

This is another rant, written while I was pregnant in 2005. My best rants seemed to come in August that year. Perhaps I was not enjoying the heat. Regardless of the reason behind my vast un-Zen-ness, I was making my online pregnant pals chuckle. You'll notice it's about one of my favorite pet peeves, pregnant or not.

August 30, 2005

Do I have a big sign on my car that says PREGNANT - FOR A LAUGH, PARK REALLY CLOSE TO ME?!

Nothing makes me feel happier, sexier or gives me the confidence to keep hauling my ever swelling self into public like the joy of trying to squeeze my body-for-two into my car upon the realisation that some dingbat has parked 2 inches from my driver side door.

And you'd think me parking to the right of a parking spot, thus giving myself the most space possible on the driver side would be enough to ensure my ease in car reentry. Wrong-O! All this seems to do is make me a bigger target!

I swear, the bigger I get, the more people take it upon themselves to park as close to me as physics will allow! I think they would only be happier if they could actually park INSIDE my car!

And I'm pretty certain that being pregnant actually ATTRACTS people to you! I need a wide birth people (no pun intended) and I certainly don't need to be swarmed by people needing to brush up against the beauty of the newness of life that I carry within me. I'm big, I'm hot, my feet and back hurt and I am probably hungry and you can bet your boots I just want to wedge my butt into my car and go home! But people are just naturally attracted to life and that is why they must suddenly be close to me and my parked car!

I think that once you hit the mark of not getting in or out of a car comfortably, you are technically handicapped. Why don't WE get those nice wide handicapped spaces? I'm at least as big as a wheelchair at this point! And probably twice as dangerous when forced into tight spaces!

Forget BABY ON BOARD stickers, I want one that says I'M HUGE AND AM GOING TO DENT YOUR EFFING CAR IF YOU PARK TOO CLOSE TO MY DRIVER'S SIDE! And it had better come with a handicapped parking sticker!